The Creatures That We Are

Chapter 929: No Regret

"It\'s about time." Gao Yang stepped forward to pat Gao Xinxin\'s shoulders. "Let\'s go."

"Yeah." Gao Xinxin had said what she needed to say to their parents. She pushed herself up, but then staggered, nearly falling.

Gao Yang quickly caught her arm. "What\'s wrong?"

"I was on my knees for too long and my legs went numb—" Gao Xinxin\'s face paled. "My head\'s dizzy, too."

"You\'re too thin. You\'re probably anemic." A familiar worry tightened Gao Yang\'s chest. He guided Gao Xinxin to a clean concrete staircase. "Have a seat. Let\'s watch the sunset."

"Yeah."

The siblings sat down. Facing the evening wind, they watched the sun sink behind the mountains, painting the clouds in deep orange and gold.

Gao Yang took an osmanthus cake from his pocket. "Here."

Gao Xinxin paused before taking the cake and opened the wrapping. The sweet had crumbled to powder. She carefully poured half into her mouth, using the aluminum foil as a plate. Then she handed it back to Gao Yang. "You have the rest."

Gao Yang accepted it and poured the remaining powder into his mouth.

"It\'s sweet." Gao Xinxin smiled, though her brow furrowed. "We stopped liking sweets so much after growing up. I remember the two of us arguing before Granny, begging for candies."

"You especially. Even after you got a cavity, and Granny wouldn\'t give you sweets, you threw a tantrum and accused her of liking me more because I was a boy. You went straight to Mom and Dad about that." Gao Yang\'s lips curved in a gentle smile.

"What? I don\'t remember that!" Gao Xinxin laughed. "Don\'t plant false memories just because I was too young to remember."

Gao Yang didn\'t argue. He reached out to stroke Gao Xinxin\'s head. "You were so small then. And now, you\'re all grown up."

"Bro!" Gao Xinxin punched him. "Why do you sound more and more like a dad?"

"An older brother is sort of like a dad."

"Alright, alright." Gao Xinxin savored the lingering sweetness in her mouth and watched the cooling orange clouds. Slowly, she rested her head on Gao Yang\'s shoulder, speaking in a voice that was soft and wistful, but not pained.

"Do you know, Brother? When Mom and Dad were first gone, I thought everything was a joke, that it was all meaningless. Nothing mattered, there was nothing ahead. Thank god I have you, or I wouldn\'t have made it through."

I feel the same.

"You\'ve always been stronger than you know," Gao Yang said quietly.

"Thinking back, I\'m glad I held on. In living, we always find new meaning." Gao Xinxin broke into a smile. "Now, I have to take care of Cute Little Lamb, Yanyan, and Sister Xia. Sometimes, I feel like they are my family. If danger ever strikes, and I have to sacrifice myself to save them, I would do it without hesitation."

“Death is death, but compared to wanting to end my life because Mom and Dad are gone, I feel that a more reasonable death. I won’t see myself as selfish or wrong if I die protecting them. I’ll be able to face the end of my life openly and without worry...”

"Maybe that was how Granny, Mom, and Dad felt when dying to save us. They weren\'t scared or in pain. They weren\'t forced to suffer or left with no other choice. They made their decision without hesitation or regret—" She pursed her lips. "I don\'t know if I\'m making sense. If you ever miss them, Brother, try thinking about it this way. It helps with the heartache."

Gao Yang wordlessly pulled her into his arms. Gao Xinxin buried her face in his chest, crying silently.

They stayed like that until the sun vanished and the veil of night descended.

"Come on." Gao Yang\'s voice was gentle. "Let\'s go home for Lunar New Year."

"Okay."

...

Third Hospital, Anliang District, ten o’clock in the morning.

The sun hung high in the cloudless sky, casting warm light over the grounds. It was the perfect weather for Lunar New Year\'s Eve.

Red couplets and lanterns adorned the entrance of the inpatient building. In the small garden outside, patients in blue and white garbs moved about. Some gathered in small groups, playing with unrestrained joy. Others kept to themselves in quiet corners, lost in private conversations. A few stood motionless, their gazes fixed on the vast sky above.

By the fountain stood a stone chess table where two doctors in white coats played, basking in the morning sun.

The doctor on the left, surnamed Sun, was young and slight, with black-rimmed glasses perched on his scholarly features. As he made a non-optimal move at the start of the match, he said, “Old Tang, do you know the Ship of Theseus?”

His opponent, a man in his forties with a thinning hairline and round features, responded with a swift, confident move. "I stopped talking about things like that after middle school."

"Why?" Young Sun advanced another piece. "I can never figure it out. See, if a ship gets parts replaced with new wood planks every once in a while as it sails through the ocean, and when reaching the shore, all pieces of wood have been replaced, is the ship still the original ship?"

“Yes and no.” Old Tang leisurely made his moves.

Young Sun frowned in disappointment. “You’re humoring me again, Old Tang.”

Old Tang chuckled cryptically. “A human’s cells are entirely replaced every six to seven years. Let me ask you then, are you the same person as the you from seven years ago?”

"Well—" Young Sun paused, his piece hovering over the board. "Of course I am."

"No, no." Old Tang claimed another piece. "Yes, and no."

"It\'s not fun talking to you. If you don\'t know the answer, just say so. You haven\'t grown any more intelligent as you\'ve grown older." Young Sun aggressively captured one of Old Tang\'s pieces.

"Haha." Old Tang studied the board with serene patience. "You\'ll know once you\'re my age that intelligence isn\'t going to solve all your problems. You need wisdom. You\'re lucky I\'m in a good mood today. I\'ll explain it to you."

"I\'m all ears."

Old Tang made a decisive move. "Check. I said the answer is yes and no because it depends on different schools of thought. Like most people, you\'re too obsessed with cause and effect and eternity. It\'s looking for trouble to seek something limitless as a limited individual."

Young Sun paused, forgetting to make the right move in response.

"You see your life as one entity and wrongly assume that you can control and understand it. You are still you, you think you\'re your own master. No matter how many times the cells of your body get replaced, no matter how matter meets entropy and changes, you believe you are still you. You consider that your soul, your consciousness, and think it eternal." n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

“Is it not?” Young Sun asked.

Old Tang smiled with narrowed eyes. “I think differently. I don’t think a life is one continuous being, but the accumulation of countless fleeting, changing moments. Not only wasn’t the me from seven years ago the present me, but the Old Tang taking out your pawn wasn’t me at this second, either.”

Young Sun stared at him, the piece forgotten in his grip.

Old Tang gestured at the board between them. "In other words, there is no \'I\'. I don\'t exist. All lives are countless presents compressed together. It gives us the illusion of being whole and in control. It makes us think that we are we, others are others, and the universe is the universe."

"Young Sun, think about it. You\'re born in this universe. How can you be separated from it?"

"How arrogant and ignorant!"

"It\'s like a fish pondering its relationship with the sea, not knowing that it\'s nothing, neither is the sea. They come together to form the much grander ocean."

"So, your answer?" Young Sun leaned forward.

"We play chess." Old Tang placed his final piece. "Chess is you, me, the universe, and infinity. Checkmate."

Young Sun\'s brow furrowed. "So is the boat the same boat?"

"You\'re still stuck on that." Old Tang shook his head with a sigh as he reset the pieces.

"Number 6! Number 7!" A doctor\'s angry shout cut through their discussion. He rushed toward them, two nurses hurrying in his wake. "Who let you steal my clothes?!"